Just Write Damn-it

I admit it, I ran. Just a touch of failure, or what I saw as failure and I ran away from the blog. Many things could have triggered my dash to the back door. A friend complimented what I wrote - "Oh God someone is actually reading this! What if my next post sucks?" Another friend who writes seemed to so effortlessly - "I'll never be as good as her, so why try?"  After weeks of thinking through the purpose or identity of my blog I felt lost on a path full of bill boards and street signs. There seemed so much to say that I didn't know what to say first. Should the posts be published in a certain order? Will my writing seemed confused? Will my post be useful to others?
Really my list of excuses towered so high I could not see over or around them. Doing nothing seemed much safer than doing anything at all. So I took a seat, leaned up against that tower and oh my, how comforting it was.  Sitting there in the cool shade telling myself this was the best for all involved. Husband would stop worrying my desire to grow as an individual would cause us to grow apart and I can stop getting irritated/guilty when my daughter's sleep issues keep me from writing. (Excuses, excuses).
So what brings me back? Several nudges led to this most recent tipping point. A book on improving self discipline referred to me by a friend who felt it was very helpful for her. I am not alone. Another friend sharing with me her problems with anxiety and being completely open when I asked her if she had smilar feelings to my own. I am not alone. Yet another friend proudly and happily expressing she was still discovering who she was even at age 40. I am not alone.
Their stories were not adjusted depending on the intended audience. These wonderful women simply shared their individual story as they experienced it. In listening I found comfort, enlightenment and inspiration.
So . . . I will try to write for myself. To tell my own story, as I am experiencing it. To remember my original intention which was to share my path, my posts only breadcrumbs for those who want to follow.