Defining Moments

Ever think if you just got one major part of your life settled the rest would all magically fall into place?
This is truly what I expected. I expected the day that I found myself employed again that I would in turn find myself. Become complete. A fully functioning, highly motivated, gettin' it done machine. Even if I did not magically become all I want to be in that moment I would at the very least begin to surge with the energy, drive and laser focus needed to immediately begin working on the parts of me I wanted to improve. As if the new job title would give me a well defined path and the killer confidence to follow it without doubt. A drive to excell in everything I do, an iron will to succeed.
Um . . .  Nope. Hasn't happened yet.
And I was so sure it would. Waited for it, watched for it, certain I didn't miss it. Since coming to the realization that I need to go after my dreams and not wait for them to come to me you would think I would know better. Just goes to show you we learn and evolve every day.

Journal

A few weeks of not serious but life altering events have lead me to take stock, take time to think about what I have learned. Not what I expected which is always interesting to say the least.

Have been writing about it in my journal A LOT! What I like about writing in a paper and pen journal is that you don't get to go back and rewrite history. No delete button. So you can go back and read what thoughts were rushing from you at the time. Those thoughts, opinions may change. Of course many will. But you know, on that day at that time, this was what was on your mind.

The rushing thoughts have lead me to begin 6 different posts but have yet to finish any of them. Will work hard to accomplish them as soon as I can. Thank you for checking back.

Traveling light through life

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Francine Jay of Miss Minimalist. I’m often asked what inspired me to become a minimalist. The answer: I fell in love with traveling lightly. After over-packing on a few trips—and suffering the misery of lugging around a heavy suitcase—I vowed never to check a bag again. On my first trip to Europe, I opted for a small carry-on instead (replacing my wardrobe of clothes with a packet of laundry detergent). The experience was exhilarating! I was mobile, flexible, and fancy free. I felt like I could go anywhere, and do anything, when I wasn’t loaded down with stuff. And I thought, wow, if it feels this great to travel lightly, how wonderful would it be to live this way? I began to edit the contents of my home with the same fervor as I had my suitcase. As I slowly ditched the extra “baggage,” I could feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders. Lighten your load Excess possessions are like excess luggage: they can tie us down, get in the way, and drain our sense of energy and adventure. (Have you ever passed up a job offer because of the hassle of moving, or a vacation because there was nobody to “watch the house”?) Conversely, the less stuff we have to worry about, the more nimble we become—and the better able to embrace new opportunities and experiences. To regain our freedom, we simply need to lighten our loads. We can accomplish that by borrowing a few packing techniques:

My future awaits

Waiting . . . . waiting . . . . waiting . . . .
Being this close is maddening to say the least.
Tired eyes staring at my inbox hoping for that little "1 unread" to pop up. I sit waiting for a very very important email. A formal job offer. And quite an offer too. More money, opportunity for travel, a new start in a new field, a new start in life.
I know we are not supposed to let our work define us but I can not help feeling like I've been in limbo the last 9 months. My last nine month wait was far more life altering but also far more fun. This wait has been disappointing and at times heartbreaking. Friends and family say they understand but unless they are currently in my shoes, in this horrible economy, well lets say I very much appreciate the support.
Even with a mountain of support behind me, family and friends in my corner, I am still going into the ring alone. I have to find that  next job myself.

Tipping Point

Despite trying to convince yourself otherwise, life or should I call it fate, often finds a way to convince you that you need to make a change for the better. For me, fate stepped in a little over a year ago in the form of good friends. A few new friends and a few old friends who returned to my life through Facebook.

Knowing what I would like to do with my life was easy. Among other things, finally get the house organized, lose this excess weight and never find it again . . .  TRAVEL! Making it happen, now there is the tough part. Sure my wish list was long but my list of excuses was longer. Hmmmm. IS longer. I'm still not currently working on every one of my goals, that would be impossible, but I know I am making progress.

In the real world we need more than just luke warm desire to fulfill our dreams. More than just a good idea. We need drive, active participation in our life, determination, good planning, guts and often times a warm supportive kick in the butt. When we do not have that support we may also need an adventurous spirit willing to go it alone.

Andrew McCarthy

Andrew McCarthy was my first love. I apologize to the young man who may think he holds that title but I cheated on you with my Andrew on many occasions . . .
. . . in my mind.
How can you not love Andrew McCarthy? In movies which he is well known for, he could portray the tortured young love like no other actor. We should have hated him after telling Molly Ringwald he could not go to the prom with her after all. But we couldn't because the poor guy looked a complete wreck. In the end we would have taken him back too.

So I am Googling my way through travel tips on packing the perfect suitcase, surviving long flights, etc. when I see his name. Yes, it's that Andrew McCarthy.
Click.
Gratified to see what a well rounded gentleman he has become. Acting, directing and writing. He's good too, having recently won an award for his travel journalism. http://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2010/10/andrew-mccarthy-travel-writer-of-the-year/64639/
I personally thoroughly enjoyed reading his articles and plan to go back and read more. Maybe pretend he is taking me by the hand and showing me the wonders of the world. *sigh*  To be serious though I took a bit more from this literary find than his clever whit. I am impressed by his desire to grow creatively as a person. Not just as an actor but as Andrew. Surely he could have rested on his acting experiences to date and remained famous, even legendary. But instead of becoming stagnant, dull, he grew, tried new things despite there being no assurances of success or fame. Read his articles and you can see he writes because that is what makes him happy, he finds it fulfilling.  I appreciate his desire to make a change, try something new, pursue his love of travel and then express himself in such a way so we may share his experiences with him. 
See Andrew, I always knew we truly were soul mates.

Want to feel melty all over like you did years ago? Follow the link below to his website. Fantastic picture rivals Rob Lowe. While you are there read some of his work. He's really very good.

Getting out of your own way

Have you ever been so concerned whether or not you would do a good job on a project you began to procrastinate? If I do not do it I can not fail. I may have caught myself doing this the last two weeks. Okay, may isn't the word. I have caught myself. I want this blog to have purpose, to be meaningful or at the very least entertaining. But I will not get anywhere if I . . .
Keep writing and rewriting my posts.
Splitting one post into three because I worry there are too many subjects.
Worrying the post is too long, too short, too serious.
Allowing myself to get distracted and so on.

Asked a friend of mine who's writing I have enjoyed for years about my post writing block. He, Ger, helped me shine a light on the problem. Being so concerned about whether or not other people would appreciate what I wrote I forgot about whether or not I would feel good about what I wrote. The point of this blog is not to create perfect prose and generate responses. This blog is my place to share ideas that have inspired me, a place to practice writing, a place to share my journey through the changes I need to make to live the full life I hope for.  I know he would never accept credit but just a few emails from Ger calling me on my conflicting priorities helped so much. Thanks Buzz.

This I have learned. To thine own self be true. Yes I stole it. My old friend Willie won't mind. 
Most people know themselves better than they think. In fact, most people know themselves so well they manipulate themselves into believing their own bullshit. Growing up, accomplishing that personal project, living a full life involves knowing yourself well enough to get the hell out of your own way.

A trusted friend can give you an assist. Open your eyes, help you find clarity. Just as my friend Ger helped remind me of this blog's true purpose. But only I could change my behavior and take action.
Only I could put myself back on track to keep moving in the right direction. No one else can do it for me.
No one else can do it for you.

Exhaustion/Frustration

So difficult to be motivated, creative and inspiring when you are exhausted. Knowing I will not have even one extra moment to slap that snooze button in the morning doesn't help. But I push myself because too often I am exhausted from trying to get my daughter to sleep. If I had continued to wait until I was more rested I may never get back here to write post #2 let alone have started this blog in the first place. Besides, some of the most outrageous but brilliant ideas come from a mind warped by sleep deprivation . . . or booze . . . or both.

Reaction Choices

Hello all,
Thought I should explain my Reaction choices.
Aha Moment - click here to let me know that reading the post inspired you or opened your mind in some way.  If I helped give you the words to express a feeling you have had but couldn't explain to another person until now.
Great With Wine - click here if you found the post comforting, worth sharing with a friend or simply a good read.
And Then What Happened - click here to indicate you would like to hear more on the topic, need me to expand on a example I've given. I tend to bounce around stories so to be sure I know which please make note of it in comments.

Coming soon!: Exhaustion and a quickie polls.
Hope you enjoy this blog.
Barbara

Why Now?

Why not now? If not now, then when?
Ask yourself . . . Do we dream the impossible dream? Or are our dreams realy just a breath, step or flight away? By calling them "dreams" do we give these events more mystery than deserved; by making them appear unrealistic, magical and too lofty a goal to be achieved by mere mortals? Believing our dreams to be just out of reach we wait and wait for that magical moment to happen to us, an opportunity to present itself as if powerless.

Far too quickly the days pass and we find ourselves tiring more easily. So many responsibilities. So so much compromise. Work, family, parenting our children, maintaining a home and the laundry. Laundry and dishes are worse than death and taxes. At least in death there is finality. When you begin to feel your age slowing you, you begin to question how long until parts of you begin to fail altogether. Age sneaks up on you in the rudest of ways. 

Then it hits you, our time is limited.  If you are like me you know this feeling all too well, though your trigger may have been different. My trigger was nearly losing my mother to cancer the same week my child was born.  Life and death in the balance. From that day I began to ask myself questions opening myself up to enlightening and at times difficult answers. Of the many, the following questions inspired this blog. What has kept me from realizing my dreams in the past? What dreams and aspirations do I hold for myself (and my daughter) today?  This became the biggest question of all because the possible number of answers are unique to each one of us and without limit. Read this again because this message is important . . . Unique and Without Limit.